i would punch a child for taco bell
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
