U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
third nipple confirmed
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
