Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Are we in a gay sports bar?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
