My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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