i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
