She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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