we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
