I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
