she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
