I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
