she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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