OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i wish my penis had a tongue
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
