i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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