hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
