are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
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He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
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I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
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