I'm lost and stupid without you.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
