Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I don't deserve a penis
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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