you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize
