Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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