i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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