i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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