dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
