she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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