Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
