He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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