Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Randomize
