So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
