whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
