i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
