Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
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Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
She needs sedatives and a leash
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I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
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