I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
