Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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