Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
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