is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Every concussion has its silver lining
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
