Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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