road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
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