she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
