I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize