You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
