i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
