Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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