you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
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