Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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