Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
