I understand Curling. That high.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
