K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
