I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Randomize
