I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
