Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
