i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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