So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Randomize
