We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
