Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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