I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
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