Taylor Swift is so right about you.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
