Heybabeimwearingurpanties
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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