So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
