They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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