You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
