The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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