Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
