yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
