Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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