I accidentally burped into my bong.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize