wanna go halves on a baby?
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
