i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
