I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
this will be a night to untag.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
