naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize
