I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
