my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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