I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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