there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
