pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Don't tell me you're on acid again
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
