i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
