Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
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