...so i touched it.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
