Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
It was confusing and full of hummus
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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