i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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