there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
