1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
