I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
