Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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