Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Drunk is a universal language darling
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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