So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
whose parrot is this?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
in the oven.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
