time to smoke my breakfast
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Pants are for mortals
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
