I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
