He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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